What do you call a VW bus at the top of a hill?
A miracle.

What do you call two VW buses at the top of a hill?
A mirage.

What does it mean when someone has a sudden increase in the number of “ums” and “ahs,” is being overly defensive, with  no eye contact?

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

The Penan nomads who live on the island Borneo (southwest of the Philippines) maintain that women do not have a soul until their wedding day.

If you’re playing a poker game and you look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.

A 200 pound pig will yield close to 20 pounds of bacon, among other popular meat products.

The top selling candy: Candy Corn. Americans purchase over 20 million pounds of it a year, though it is unlikely that every last one of those millions of candies was actually consumed.

Cats sleep 20 hours a day, eat half an hour a day, and bathe for the other 3 and a half hours.

Jennifer ~ Charlie asked me to marry him and make him the happiest man in the world.

Ashley ~ And which one of these you decided to do?

Gameshow Host: : In which European country is Mount Etna?
Contestant: Japan

Gameshow Host: In case you did not hear me say European, I can let you try again.
Contestant: Mexico?

New gardeners learn by by trowel and error.

I was waitressing at a restaurant where we would slice bread fresh and bring it to the tables, and whenever someone asked me to bring them the heel, I would tell them that I couldn’t…I had divorced him already.